Why your partner is messing up?
Let’s admit it, even the bests of persons has their own shares of being an “idiot box” every once is a while. And though this article is about understanding you partner when they mess up, let me first tell you that this “messing up” should either be the fist time or is “not his usual habit” or else, you should also consider dumping him ‘coz maybe it’s his way of sending that message to you. 🙂
Moving on, all healthy relationships are composed of giving and taking, and though most of the time, we perceive ourselves to be the one doing all the giving (I’m assuming things here) we should always try to count the things that the other person is contributing to the relationship no matter how little they are (Or so you thought) .
People mess up commonly because they wanted to send a “message” to the person but they can’t do it directly. It might be an outward cause of an inner feeling. For example, if your partner is messing up with you in terms of not doing the household chores, give the person a slack that maybe he just want you to notice that he is always doing it and your taking it for granted.(People are best when it comes to taking things for granted) -Try to first appreciate him before you complain.Maybe the main reason why he/she is messing up is -YOU.
How can I stay calm in this situation?
Now, considering the fact that you may be the main contributor of your own stress and your partner’s shortcomings, what should you do? Here are some of the tips that I can give you (Base on experience) that might help you be Calm when your partner seems to become so careless, clumsy or insensitive lately.
- Count his efforts in the past more than his failures in the present
You will not stay in that relationship for so long if you haven’t seen anything good at it right? Try to remember those times, when everything seems to be perfect.Remember all the good times, his efforts and adjustments made just for you.Count his efforts from then and now and think deeply if he deserve some sort of “punishment” for his shortcomings of today.
- Understand the situation in the third person’s point of view-don’t be bias!
In a relationship, people always tends to say that “they did their part” that’s common. Why not try to see the problem as a whole, as if you are out of the situation? This might be the reason why most people provide the bests advises when they are not involved in the situation, they tend to see things in a somehow clearer point of view as compared with those who are inside the problem.
Try unveiling the root cause of the problem and start from there, think of an objective solution for the reoccurring problem of your partner, help him solve it instead of using it against him.
- Believe me, you are not the only one who tries his best.Appreciate.
A simple “Good job” will go a long way, there are number of times that due to the duration of the relation, couples become too familiar with each other that they tend to forgot how to appreciate the efforts of the other person, everything seems to fall under “obligation”.
Try appreciating your partner’s simple gestures of kindness and watch him become the person you loved from the very start, over again.
- Pause, Breath, and smile-avoid Nagging.
Nagging is the worst case scenario of all, if you nag people, you are now loosing yourself control as you let your anger hoover you entire being , starting from thinking to words and actions.This might make the other person indifferent about the issue and divert his attention to other things -messing around in some ways…
All in all, we need to somehow bear in mind that people’s, most especially your partner’s, reaction and attitude towards us is a reflection of our attitude towards them most of the time. So before you become a ” super sayan” in anger,try to assess yourself first about your contribution to this dilemma that you are into and then help and understand your partner all the way through.